Flying hysteria

The American media is going nutty for airport stories.

And Americans are eating them up.

After Umar Abdulmutallab's failed attempt to take down a plane on Christmas Day, the media is stalking airports and looking for something - anything - to write about.

There are multiple articles written about the incident every day.

President Barack Obama takes responsibility for the failures of U.S. intelligence and security officials.

You can read what the moron is charged with.

We have the "what-can-we-do-so-this-never-happens-again" stories up the wazoo, too, specifically regarding the full-body scanner stories.

If you haven't heard, certain U.S. airports are in possession of full body scanners where the technology pretty much sees through your clothing.

The scanners will be able to see everything you are hiding underneath your clothes, whether it be money in your bra, a plastic bag containing a liquid explosive strapped to your leg, a nugget of marijuana hidden in your butt crack or a pencil in your pocket. They will also reveal your body size, exposing any cellulite, stretch marks, piercings and/or tattoos you might have.

The last statement may or may not be true.

In any case, some persons argue these full-body scanners are too personal and that they violate an individuals privacy. Others are willing to forgo the somewhat embarrassing scan in the name of security.

I personally wouldn't mind getting a full body scan. I have nothing to hide (except maybe the cellulite), but I don't see the point in spending millions of dollars in purchasing, installing and then training staff to use such advanced technology when there are other, simpler ways of checking for suspected terrorists going through airports.

I don't understand why each airline can't check the background of each individual who purchased a ticket for a flight. Why don't we just have every airline run a quick background check on every individual, similar to what police departments do, as step one? Umar I-wanna-blow-up-my-Underwear was previously flagged as a potential terrorist (His dad visited the U.S. Embassy in Nigeria in November to warn that his son was "under the influence of extremists.") If they ran a check against his name, surely someone would have noticed.

Step 2: Pay attention to how the ticket is being purchased. Umar bought his with cash. That's sort of unusual in today's credit-card driven society, no?

Step 3: Pay attention to the amount of baggage a person checks in. This guy was traveling across the ocean with no luggage? Suspicious much? Come on!

LAX recently announced they want these full-body scanners.

The article reads: "About 40 devices are operating at 19 airports across the country -- two at LAX, the nation's third-busiest airport and one of the top potential targets in the country for terrorists.

The TSA has ordered about 150 scanners to be installed this year and has received funding for an additional 300."

I find it curious that none of the articles I've read about these scanners divulge information regarding its cost.

And if you think flying is scary because you have to worry about terrorists, think again.

Apparently, you also have to worry about being pick pocketed! Some Toyko-to-Paris flyers were robbed while they slept. How pissed would you be if your were the victim of theft while traveling thousands of feet in the air, and the robber was somewhere on the plane with you!?

Great. Revealing full-body scanners. Unpredictable terrorists. Shady pick-pocketers.

Oh wait. I forgot one: Drunk pilots.

A United Airlines pilot admitted that he was shmammered while navigating a plane. Really?

I mean ... really?