I am one of those multi-colored bouncy balls on steroids, bouncing off of everything, even the soft things like couches and stuffed animals.
My body is physically exhausted right now. And my mind should be as well, but it's not. I just worked from 7 a.m. to 11 p.m. for two days straight. Mind you, I don't ever really fall asleep before 2 a.m. for whatever reason... and still... my mind wanders. Spurting out a million ideas and thoughts at the same time.
Even the songs that get stuck in my head are usually completely random.
Today for example, I had several songs stuck in my head for varying hours throughout my day.
I had a tune from a kid's show stuck in my head most of my morning. Then, randomly I had Boyz II Men's "All My Life" stuck in my head, which is completely out of a rhino's butt since I haven't heard that song since a middle school dance. Then I had the chorus of Tenacious D's "Tribute" on play in my mind, only to be followed by Queen's "Don't Try Suicide."
This all happened during my Signal work shift.
I also talk to myself, just like any normal person does, and I want to do SO much right now. Most of my ideas conflict though... and it's hard.
Guess it's a trait of a Gemini.
Someone mentioned the other day that having a passion in life is what makes life worth living. That it gives you a purpose of some sort.
But what if you don't have a passion?
Or maybe you feel as if you have several?
What is the definition of "a passion" anyway? Here is what dictionary.com had to say.
pas⋅sion
–noun| 1. | any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, as love or hate. |
| 2. | strong amorous feeling or desire; love; ardor. |
| 3. | strong sexual desire; lust. |
| 4. | an instance or experience of strong love or sexual desire. |
| 5. | a person toward whom one feels strong love or sexual desire. |
| 6. | a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything: a passion for music. |
| 7. | the object of such a fondness or desire: Accuracy became a passion with him. |
| 8. | an outburst of strong emotion or feeling: He suddenly broke into a passion of bitter words. |
| 9. | violent anger. |
| 10. | the state of being acted upon or affected by something external, esp. something alien to one's nature or one's customary behavior |
Funny how some definitions seem to contradict themselves.
I feel like I have a passion for a lot of things... and that's the problem. If you have a passion for something, wouldn't you consistently be active in that passion? Shouldn't this passion compel you to dive completely into it and know absolutely everything about it? As if you were training for the Olympics? Or becoming an expert?
If that's the case, I have no passion. And I haven't decided if that's depressing or not yet.
It's depressing in the fact that I feel like I am no expert in any one thing. And that I happen to be drawn to certain things for frivolous reasons mainly because they selfishly satisfy me in one way or another.
On the other hand though, it's not depressing since I am essentially a "jack of all trades" who knows a little bit about a lot of issues. That, and the fact that it keeps my life interesting since I fill it with so much variety.
I don't know.
Things I feel like I have a potential absolute passion for:
1. Music: it's in my blood. Although I suck at lyric writing, everything else comes pretty naturally to me. Music is, essentially, life. But apparently that's a cliche nowadays.
2. Mother nature: I'm definitely a tree hugger, love the outdoors, and am constantly finding ways to be kinder to the earth. Currently I am looking into joining some sort of group that plants trees and cleans up trails for hikers/campers.
3. People/helping others: I don't know much about politics, economics, math (fuck math), taxes, how the world works, etc... but I feel like I have a really good grasp on humanity and interpersonal relationships. I read people fairly well, but more importantly, I understand how most people think. Being an RA definitely help me realize this, which has extended itself to my friends, family, co-workers, and strangers. I also have a deep desire to help people struggling with whatever, and I constantly feel like I have to be the bearer of light to them. Although I might not always "succeed" in bringing this light... I always feel like my involvement has helped in some way... even if it is fairly insignificant.
4. Traveling: Who wouldn't be passionate about this? The problem with this is that it's not something that you can technically do everyday. Not unless it's weaved into your career somehow.
Maybe my passion is myself. I have a passion to follow my heart and my selfish desires. To constantly please myself. Would that count?
I'm out of Johnny Walker. Time for bed.
2 comments:
i think you need to keep an idea journal. so you dont feel stressed to rememember or hold onto any particular idea, but you can write it down, even in the middle of the night, and have the peace of mind that you can go back to it when you have time. i keep a little notepad in my purse and write down everything from events i hear about i want to look into, to grad school to something i saw in a window or a cool way someone wore something on the street. try it! even if it fills up fast and you need to be 50 more. you cn always go back to them, rather than forget!
you need to add one more passion to this list: "Figuring out ways to get to New York City to have a drinky poo with Asia!" Then you wouldn't have to drink alone and your next blog post would be titled "Don't ever drink without Asia"
Just to help you with Passion #4! I am strongly considering it...
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