The Best of testsfromlastnight.com

Anytime I am having a bad day or I feel shitty about myself, this Web site reminds me that my life really isn't that bad.

(706): Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.

(310): we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again

(905): Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
(1-905): With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.

(412): i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes

(502): i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.

(703): So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
(1-703): You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.

(219): I thought Christmas was going to come before I did

(519): i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??

(402): P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.

(631): I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.

(416): I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
(1-416): u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u

(314): My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?

(413): He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date

(818): Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?

(484): then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"

(413): i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung

(541): If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?

(978): my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night

(631): Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
(856): Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.

So true

"Most of the time, your greatest pleasures come from poeple, not things. So in order to be happy, all you have to do is hang out with friends who enjoy life as much as you do."

Life is funny. People are funny.

I hate competition.

I don't care for it. It makes me feel like an awkward turtle.

That's why sports don't really interest me. I always feel bad for the losing team.

As soon as I feel someone is competing with me, I usually lose on purpose. I'd rather be the loser so that the true loser feels good about themselves.

And it's not like I'm being noble, either. I'm being apathetic.

I also know my self-worth, and I don't need to win a competition to make me feel "good" or "better" or "awesome." I already feel good. I know I'm better. And, I'm super awesome.

Don't get me wrong, I understand the significance in competition. I understand it could be healthy is certain ways. It could push you to be the best you can be, especially if you're competing against someone/something you don't like.

What I don't understand is why you have to compare yourself to someone close, someone you call a friend, in order to make a goal for yourself.

Shouldn't you be making goals for your own self gratification?

Does it really bring so much pleasure to be "better" than a friend? Is that person really a friend if you're competing with them?

Life is funny. People are funny.

And by funny I mean fucked up.

And another thing, why do you care so much about the opinion of others?

I think you are scared of being labeled selfish. Why? It's not a bad thing.

I think you're also scared of not being accepted, and hence look to others for approval.

A friend of mine the other day had a bit of a dilemma and asked me for advice.

She has a tattoo. Her friends think it's awesome. Her girlfriend absolutely hates it. The opportunity to get some ink done (for cheap) presented itself, and my friend didn't know what to do.

That's all she told me.

The first thing that popped into my head was the fact that she didn't mention her own opinion of her tattoo. Did she like it? Did she hate it? (I still have no idea.)

I told her she shouldn't care what other people thought. It's her body. Her tattoo. I also told her that getting work done just because it's cheap isn't a good idea, but that's just my opinion (of which she could discard if she so chooses).

I just find it funny that most people make their decisions solely based off of the opinions of others.

Know yourself. Know what you want, and go for it. Listen to the opinions of others to get a new perspective, but don't let them solely dictate your actions.

And most importantly, be heppy. God is the only one who'll judge you in the end. Fuck everyone else in the meantime.